Comment Wall


Galaxy Image above to represent my Portfolio, a galaxy of its own!
Image from NASA news.

Link to my Portfolio site here: Erin's Portfolio.


  1. Erin, I really liked your portfolio so far! Here's a few suggestions:

    The last sentence of the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph both contain the phrase "the next town over." It would sound better if you varied your diction a bit! Honestly you could just take out the second use of the phrase if you wanted. It's not a big deal, it's just something I noticed that would make it flow better.

    In the third paragraph, you use the phrase "there were all different kinds of flowers and plants." I think this would be a great place to show rather than tell. You could add a few sentences just describing how lush the garden is and I think it would really add to the magical-feel of the story!

    Also in the third paragraph, you say that the mother "shied away from the beast." I think that "shied away" sounds too mild, especially with how intense this moment is. Maybe use a word like "cowered" instead.

    Overall, I thought you did a great job with this story! I liked how you changed the ending especially. It's a bit more realistic and fits better with the character of the daughter. Good job!

  2. Hi Erin!
    I really love the set up of your portfolio site! It is really aesthetically pleasing and all of your images go so well together! My favorite of your stories was the one about the rabbit and the otter going duck hunting! Imagining that happening was so cute. I am always a sucker for animal stories! A kids series about the duck and the otter becoming friends and helping each other learn new skills would be so adorable and definitely something I would want to read to kids! I think your writing style is great, and made it such an easy and fun read. You have done a great job and I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly!

  3. Hey Erin!
    I really enjoyed your stories, and I particularly liked "The Basilisk and the Beast." Whenever I've read this story before, the youngest daughter is always sweet and has to go to the beast's home because the mother tried to steal a rose from the home's garden. I liked the twist in your story, however, more since the daughter that goes to the beast's house is a bit of a brat! I also thought it was funny that the mother got strict with the daughter by forcing her to go. Your descriptions fit into your plot really well and make everything flow really well! I think it would be cool, though, to incorporate a little dialogue—I believe this would add some depth to the story and engage the reader some more. All in all though, I think you did a great job! Good luck with all of your finals!

  4. Hi Erin,
    I really enjoyed looking through your portfolio page this week. To start off I think your page is very eye catching. Between the dark colors and cool images it all ties together. This can draw reads like myself into the story before they have even begun reading. Secondly I think your stories are very well written. I enjoyed how much details you included, this was able to set the scene perfectly. I hope as this semester comes to a close you can finish out your portfolio! Hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly.

  5. Erin, I really liked the stories on your storybook but would have loved to see a more comprehensive introduction page. You mention what kind of stories readers can expect but don't discuss why you chose to write about these subjects or the significance of the characters you write about. The story about the beauty and the Basilisk really caught my eye as it seemed to be. rendition of the beauty and the beast classic story so many of have read! Keep up the good work this semester and I wish you a great winter break!

  6. Hi Erin! Surprisingly this is actually the first portfolio I have read in this class so far. Your rendition of the Beauty and the Basilisk was great and was very different from all of the other versions I have read in this class. I appreciated how your author's note talked about the changes you have made and what the original story consisted of. In the second story, I could not stop reading and was eager to find out what would happen to the Rabbit! The way you wrote the story was very intriguing. At first I felt bad for the Rabbit since all the other animals started to laugh at him, but he shouldn't have lied to the Otter in the first place. I loved how even though the Otter caught him in his lie, he still offered to help the Rabbit learn how to catch ducks and was sympathetic with him.

  7. Hey Erin! I really enjoyed your portfolio! I thought the way you set a theme throughout the whole thing was really lovely and a nice touch. I also really liked the way you twisted the endings of the stories. In "Three Roses" I thought the way you acknowledged that the original story hadn't done the job of establishing a relationship with the characters was really interesting and the ending didn't make sense. Your ending seemed very appropriate, given the fact that the basilisk was an evil creature. I also appreciated the way you made "Hunted Rabbit" into a story with a moral. I agree that it needed a different ending for sure, and yours was great! I think you did an awesome job on the website as a whole and I am not sure I have anything to really critique! You are an excellent writer and I hope you had a great semester!

  8. Hi Erin! Wow! What a beautiful and creative portfolio. I really enjoyed it. The theme is so fun and goes with all of your stories which I really liked. I enjoyed your introduction post and think that your portfolio is extremely organized and looks put together. All of your stories have unexpected endings which I think is super fun to read and always exciting. Everything in your portfolio is visually appealing and I think that it is different than all the other portfolios that I have seen so far. I loved your rendition of the Beauty and Basilisk. I also read that story so it was so enjoyable for me to read your version of the story. You are an incredible writer and very creative. Great job.


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