Baby Moses found in the River Nile by Princess Bathia, daughter of the Pharaoh.
One day, while walking along the River Nile, Princess Bathia came across a basket that was slowly floating downstream. Curious as to what could be inside, she pulled the basket out of the river and found a little boy bundled up within! She quickly pulled him out and took the child home, naming him Moses. Everyone in Princess Bathia's family, including the Pharaoh, loved playing with Moses as he grew older, but the Pharaoh's ministers of state and magicians were not so fond of the little Hebrew boy. As it turned out, the Pharaoh had ordered for all Hebrew boys to be drowned before Princess Bathia found Moses; however, the Pharaoh loved playing with the child so much that he did not order him to be killed. As time passed, Princess Bathia grew worried that the ministers of state would overstep and demand the Pharaoh get rid of the child. She had raised baby Moses and she would do whatever was necessary to protect him. One night, Moses overstepped with the Pharaoh. Moses had placed the Pharaoh's crown on his own head at the dinner table in front of the ministers of state, magicians, and the Pharaoh's own family. Annoyed and slightly enraged, the Pharaoh demanded the child be tested to see if he was truly after the Pharaoh's throne. The test was simple, the child would be placed in front of a goblet of gold and a goblet of hot coals. If Moses grabbed the gold, he was evil and would plot to overthrow the Pharaoh when he got older; however, if Moses grabbed the hot coals, he was innocent. As they placed Moses in front of the two goblets, Princess Bathia was sobbing in the corner. She was terrified of what baby Moses would choose and she did not want to lose him. One of the Pharaoh's magicians approached her with an intricately carved staff. He handed her the staff and whispered to her that whatever she wished for with the staff would come true. Shocked and desperate, Princess Bathia wished for Moses to grab the hot coals. Moses looked confused at first, but then he smiled and grabbed a piece of gold out of the first goblet. Everyone gasped except for the magician, who was cackling maniacally. Princess Bathia was devastated, knowing she had been terribly tricked by the magician who had given her false hope. After witnessing this act of treason, the Pharaoh immediately sentenced Moses to experience the same fate as the other young Hebrew boys. This terrible day was the last time Moses was ever heard from again.
Author's Note: In this retelling of The Water-Babe, I kept the story pretty close to the original. I summed it up in a shorter way and changed the point of view so that instead of not really having any feelings from one particular person and reading the story in a very distant zone, I got closer to Princess Bathia and told some of this story from her point of view. I still had to do third person point of view in order to explain some things but I kept the third person pretty close to the original writing. Something major that I did change was the ending of this story. Instead of Moses grabbing the coals after Princess Bathia wished for him to with the magicians staff, he still grabs the gold. The magician had tricked Bathia in this story, and now Moses was to suffer the consequences of being a curious child.
Bibliography: "The Water-Babe" from Jewish Fairy Tales by Gertrude Landa. Web Source.
Hey Erin, I just want to say off the bat that I appreciate the simplicity of your story, but also the fact that you were able to still bring out Princess Bathia's emotions, and have her resonate throughout the whole thing. The only suggestions I have are first: maybe possibly break up the story into different paragraphs instead of having it run on. Not so much that you can't understand what's happening, but it might make it easier for some. Lastly, in the beginning of your story you call Moses a Hebrew boy, which of course he is, but I guess what I'm saying is could you give some clarification maybe into how they know he's Hebrew? Does that make sense? Sorry if it's a silly question, I'm not personally religious + haven't read these stories, so I know very little. Of course, if the original telling basically does the same thing then you're totally fine! I just wasn't sure if there was maybe some way to make it a little clearer how everyone knew, and thus make their relationships more clear. Other then that though, the story was great! I hope to read more of your work!
ReplyDeleteHi Erin, I just wanted to say that you made this story very easy to read! It wa a great example of retelling that made it easy to understand in the modern era. I was wondering what would happen if Moses had grabbed the coals instead and see if you could possibly twist the ending of the story. But after I read your author's note i saw you did change the ending and that according to the original he ended up grabbing the coals. I liked that you gave the magician a larger role. I feel as though he could have easily been overlooked. But as you created him to be a sort of villain his character spoke to me more so than the Pharaoh who wanted to test baby Moses to begin with. One thing that I think could be expanded upon is a little background on Moses. I know that there isn't much to begin with as he was found in the river but maybe go into detail about the state he was in. How they knew he was a little Hebrew boy that was thrown into the river. What his life was like growing up. Overall this was a very interesting read, as I have never read many religious stories before. Glad this was one of my first!
ReplyDeleteHi there Erin,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story as it was a simple and easy read. I appreciate you adding emotion into the story as I know that sometimes that can be difficult while also still respecting the origins of the story. I know of the first portion of your story, but had not heard of the latter section. As I read I had a feeling that he was going to grab a piece of coal, so I had wondered what would happen if he had grabbed the gold, where would this story go? I liked the direction that you took with it, my heart broke a little as I read of his fate and I'll be honest I was mad at the magician for tricking Princess Bathia. It makes me wonder why anyone would wish ill-will on anyone, especially a child. I think it would be interesting if you expanded more on the magician, like what could be his motivation for tricking the princess? Was he hired by someone outside the royal family? What would he specifically gain from by tricking her and having the prince killed?
Hi Erin!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! I didn't read The Water-Babe this week for my story so it was super refreshing to read a new story with your perspective! I was very engaged by the flow and simplicity of the story and your writing. It was clear and easy to keep up with and understand, no guessing games. I'm curious, did Pharaoh's magician only go up to Bathia to purposely trick her into having hope for the child? Out of his own pure hatred? Because that would just be awful. Or did he do it because the Pharaoh secretly asked him to, to torture the poor woman further? What if, instead of the child reaching for the gold, there was a huge plot twist and the baby reached for both the gold and the coal at the same time? I think that would've elicited a hilarious reaction from the Pharaoh!
Hi Erin!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your retelling of the story! I am very familiar with this story and I am currently doing a bible study on Moses so this was a great read to refresh my memory! I really enjoyed your writing because it was crisp and felt like it was being told from the bible! You kept with the same language and verbiage of the author. My question for you though is why did the magician want to trick Moses? What was he going to get out that? Did he want the throne? Also, I would suggest incorporating some dialogue between the characters into your story! I think it could help others connect better to the characters and help this ancient story be a little more engaging! i think you could have put your own twist on the story too and rewrote the ending to something unexpected! Overall, great job!